Day one of 539 (purple suede eggs laid)

Here is the first song of 539 days of which I shall write. The first time i heard this song, it literally blew me away... in midst of some slight depression at the time, i heard this song and suddenly everything was light as leaves, i felt my spirit lifted... floating on the beautiful guitar noise and that voice... that voice... (speechless)

you know, now that I think about it, although Brett Anderson's voice was one to carry me through my depressive twenties, I think the first time I heard this song was sin a car... was sin a car?? I'm not sure, you'll have to ask god when you find him sleeping beneath the bridge.  just don't forget to also give him a blanket, it gets cold out here at night and the edge is never far away, especially for a dog to bark.

the first time I heard this song was in a car looking for a cassette and I remember spider legs crawling across the cave the sandwich shop delicious meat she carved yes!! sweet young devil whispering in my ear with her lips hot, hot yes!! breath... feel the heat the way she used her teeth and enjoyed every bite... I remember every moment of this song as if it were my last supper and here we are eating Mona Lisa gas drown the billboard.. oh my god has Da Vinci gone and lost his mind??

just a random number hit by my fingers and it doesn't really mean much to me but the first time I heard this song,, no that wasn't it. that wasn't the first time I heard his voice, no! I remember sandwich shop and spider legs, she sells meat yeah she sails across he sea... do you remember rock n roll radio?? me neither I think it was all simply a figment of my imagination.. maybe its time I get my head examined. there are refugees hiding out inside my skull and just ask, you don't have to live that way.  the record spinning round and round; my teenage years are melted into a three inch incision... spider man in having me for dinner tonight.  I have to go now.. have to allow myself time to brush my teeth... painting on my wall says don't fall in love and forget your toothbrush!!

My heroes have always been cowboys...

yesterday they laid another one of my heroes to rest; a rest very much deserved. Just as i realized when my father died; whatever demons he had are gone now and although it is not the exit intended, he has escaped the asylum and is now wandering the streets of heaven looking for the girl with kaleidoscope eyes... a voice says, "let me take you down, because i'm going to, strawberry fields..." yes the devil is a gentleman and he is there to ask you how you take your chocolate.

yesterday when i was at work and heard the news, i literally had tears in my eyes... one always hopes that the heroes of their youth will follow them into their old age... how awesome it would've been to be in an old folks home with him?? now i'm afraid i will be the only crazy one there in my wheelchair staring at the walls and screaming out, "pretty penny was her name, she was loved and we all will miss her."

words may not be spoken while you are alive to encompass what you mean to somebody, or to express how you have affected or touched their lives, it is important to remember, everything you do affects somebody... a few days ago would've been my father's seventy-fifth birthday and although we didn't have the perfect relationship, i miss him every day. watching my son grow up and knowing that the only way he will ever get to know his grandpa is through stories that i choose to tell, breaks my heart to no end. i often think, what if my father had chosen to be a healthier person, what if he had put down the cigarettes, put away his hatred, and paid attention to what his body was telling him?? would he still be here today?? would my son have had a grandpa who could teach him how to raise hell on the CB radio?? how to play video games?? how to solve cryptograms and crossword puzzles in minutes flat as if it was truly nothing at all?? i don't know all the answers, but i think part of longevity in life is letting the past be the past...letting go of stress and pain; knowing your own strengths and weaknesses; being accepting of others and their faults and smiling... Smiling is the most important thing!!

(and breathing, don't forget to breathe!)

if i only lacked a brain

it would be so easy to believe; to think that everything was going to somehow be alright in the end.
 if i could just take the heart from my chest and toss it into the flames.
if i could somehow allow myself to become cold and indifferent
not just towards my own feelings but towards the world as a whole.

forget the way she licks her lips when she's crawling across my chest

if i could somehow become evil, mean and greedy,
perhaps i could erase these expressions of pain, of loss, of sorrow...
maybe write a book, then toss it upon the fireplace maybe someday i learn

i sing at my own funeral, they stolen my voice and now i am blessed and i burn

if i could teach myself to stop caring, perhaps i could allow myself to be free of the weight...
i could wake up tomorrow on the moon, far removed from the screams.. perhaps mars??
but there's always a voice in the back of my mind crying out, boy...
you're gonna carry that weight... carry that weight a long time.

my eyes against the window pressed, trying to look inside... trying to find a hole in the floor

If Morrissey's name was Rudy, or Ruby, or even Moby (then he would not be Morrissey would he?)

This is a message to you Rudy...

Anyway I hope you're doing good;  well at least better now that you have changed your name to Ruby and set out to find the yellow brick whatever and those glass slippers, yes it always was a sleeping beauty kind of thing, do you remember that time I bought snow white just so I could watch the seven dwarves dance around her feet??

There is no video to explain my intentions, no emotion to deep to describe this feeling.  yes! if I was lost I think I could always buy a map. There are many ways to develop a film and the easiest way is to stop taking showers.

(this post has nothing to do with Morrissey or Gwen Stefani)

Baby you can drive your car (mine's full of little critters i refuse to kill)

At the same time every day and every night, the trick it seems is to already be awake,
to be ready for the cold chills at that very minute. To solve the mystery of 4:15,
the very minute when in the summer of 2009

I noticed a hairy spider crawling on my arm as I drove my car down I-35.
I did not flinch I was not scared, I knew the spiders message, 
I just hung my hand out the window and waited for the light to change on the exit ramp.

when you reach your destination what happens next?  have you found what you're looking for??
like those white spiders who were on the windshield of my car the other night
they didn't move; just sat there staring at me driving through the fog;
hitchhikers from another planet; lost beneath the light of the moon.

you stared into my eyes (once upon a time)

left me on my back asleep to dream and i wonder where you are tonight?
what are you doing in the staircase of an abandoned motel??
did you find what you were looking for when you jumped into the lake?
will you ever admit to yourself that this was all just a mistake?

i've forgiven you a long time ago
these memories haunt me i know
i cant forget the taste of something on my tongue
until i remove my clothes and walk into the wilderness alone
i cannot begin to be myself until i realize that i too am a clone

these pages left in the machine and my hand is on the heart
you said it would be different
you would not let yourself get attached
it would be easy to walk away, to throw a match,
i love to smell the flesh melting as your fire spreads
your legs are like visions of something i cannot grasp
i'm thunderbolt... i'm thunderbolt; where is my flask?

i'm walking away.

start with desire and slide through the window
slide down the rainbow to slide down the rainbow
touch the lightning flash feel the drying of the leaves
monkeys are dying, a forest crying inside of me
tonight all i ask is please let me hear you scream 

my heart is bursting into flames and i wonder what was your fear??
not what you wanted to hear, but its the only thing keeping me here.
my amnesia trying to climb the umbrella to the gates
find the source of this pain, it took me this long to escape.

A Fish Called Ghostbusters

Sometimes you have to wonder why we were put on this planet... 

why of all the rocks floating in space did our spaceship decide that this was the best one to crash into? 

we will never know the answer, nobody has the brain of the spaceship or the heart of john f kennedy, 

these things are lost forever to the wind that blows through her skeleton when she walks... 

yes lady liberty is not afraid of a midnight stroll through central park... or satan after dark

misheard lyrics through the fog, the obvious songs to be sung will not be acknowledged in this post, 

if you dont get the map, i hope it has burned in transit... 

somethings are meant to be lost in translation. 

here's to you Bill Murray!  who you gonna call??